a letter i wrote to myself on the digital detox retreat, to be delivered just after my birthday

hey you!

if you’re reading this letter, you’ve turned 28 and you’re not dead. on the outside, at least; are you still being aware, and present, and mindful? are you using what feel like failures as opportunities for change and growth? are you writing down your thoughts instead of thinking about how exhausting that may be and doing something easier instead. are you allowing yourself to take risks, and allowing yourself to “fail”? are you grateful to your body, kind to your mind, thinking in terms of what you have accomplished instead of what you haven’t? make sure to keep smiling at people—big, genuine smiles. it won’t matter if they think you’re crazy, it won’t matter if they don’t smile back. maybe it’s because they forgot how to smile and they need you to reteach them. make sure that when you give hugs they’re long, and real. say gratitudes every day, different ones; if you don’t feel like you have anything original to be grateful for, go do something.

i don’t know where you’re heading when it comes to food, or love, or work, or purpose. you probably won’t either. just remember to be right where you are whenever you’re there. know that it can disappear in an instant, but don’t live in fear or dread, or with guilt.

you’re kind to others, but don’t just do it because you don’t know how to be kind to yourself—you have to learn that, too. maybe one day you will even believe those kindnesses.

you can be happy or sad, or strong or weak; you can be any dichotomy, anywhere on any spectrum, as long as you are here, and you are now.

please know you’re loved…

january 27, 2013

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digital detox

family dinner, silence beads, basket of blankets, typewriter, tea, building the fire, lemon coconut truffles, gratitudes, sweet potato curry with cabbage slaw and quinoa, getting lost in the redwoods.

“i went on a date with myself and never called myself again” — neta

i am grateful for newness, and for sameness.

“right now this house is full of light and love and warmth. we’re back from montgomery, sitting together in front of the fire, and there is laughing and discourse and guitar. another reminder that i want my life to be different from how it is now, but i don’t know in what way.”

i am grateful for my body and my mind, which in the real world never feel like enough but here are just right. i am grateful that my body and mind are now strong enough to embrace and participate in all the ways i challenge myself.

“the world is so big and overwhelming and beautiful and frightening and i don’t know its meaning or my purpose.”

real world: digital detox.