Had a close call today and my life flashed before my eyes. Most of it was just me scrolling past pictures of your cats on Instagram.
— Señor Winces (@senorwinces) July 7, 2013
@ShutUpAndrosky I won't put my $ where my mouth is. that would be unhygienic
— kevin o'shea (@OSheaComputer) June 24, 2013
I don't think our forefathers knew this holiday would just be a bunch of drunk people ignoring their terrified dogs.
— Amy Miller (@amymiller) July 5, 2013
I love America, that's where all my stuff is.
— TheMightyFool (@TheMightyFool) July 5, 2013
Hate 2 be all inspirational but if ur into some1 n they don't see u im embarrassed for them cuz ur all babes n I wanna date the hell outta u
— mae whitman (@maebirdwing) July 5, 2013
No one writes decent communiqués anymore.
— Dave Gilson (@daudig) July 1, 2013
Canadian Fact: In Canada, @Drake is only referred to by his Canadian name 'Wheelchair Jimmy.'
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) July 1, 2013
“Um.” – 1st horse that got ridden
— Rory Patrick (@RorynotRoy) June 23, 2013