We'll call them Members Only, but sell them to everyone.
— '80s Don Draper (@80sDonDraper) April 30, 2013
Every time you say "would of" an angel that majored in English continues to be poor.
— Zachy Boots (@zachbooty) May 1, 2013
Fingerling potatoes sound like the sluttiest of the potatoes
— Ali (@OnlineAlison) May 3, 2013
I'd better do something impressive with my life soon. If I die today, my epitaph will be "He always waited too long to pee."
— Nat Towsen (@NatTowsen) April 28, 2013
@mynamesmasha I think I make fun of your lifestyle because in reality I'm insanely jealous of it.
— Jon Mooring (@jMoo) April 28, 2013
I AM A GIANT BABY MADE UP OF ADULT FEELINGS
— WOMEN (@womencomedy) April 27, 2013