I got 99 problems. I can only find 2 of my dalmations
— Scot Lenter (@ScotLenter) November 27, 2012
"Austin is the most California you'll find in Texas" -my @Airbnb host as we walk by a lululemon store
— nader! (@knawder) February 5, 2013
I haven't seen the movie. Do they ever end up talking about Kevin?
— Big Tits Will Weldon (@oldmanweldon) February 3, 2013
Spoiler Alert: Mortality.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) February 2, 2013
A friend has a tattoo in Tibetan that she thought said "friendship". She found out it says "Friend boat". #TrueStory
— Broke-Ass Stuart (@BrokeAssStuart) January 23, 2013
It’s amazing and inspiring that we are such an innovative species, constantly capable of creating new things to complain about.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) January 17, 2013
Personally, I feel the expression should be "High quality goods in the trunk"
— Big Tits Will Weldon (@oldmanweldon) January 18, 2013
"I prefer your older stuff" -My Therapist
— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) January 8, 2013
I told my boss I needed to take maternity leave and he said but you're not a woman and I was like ok that's definitely discrimination
— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) January 15, 2013
My favorite thing is when suddenly there's a dog.
— Matt Louv (@MattLouv) December 21, 2012
That moment when you "bless" a complete stranger for shooting air out of their face.
— Matt Louv (@MattLouv) January 9, 2013
Walk bars into a German syntax.
— Nein. (@NeinQuarterly) January 17, 2013